Saturday, October 01, 2005

Thunder Thighs

I have recently experienced an extreme hatred of my body. Usually this occurs every once and a while, and then it leaves me. But lately I have felt this repeatedly and unavoidably and much more consciously than ever. I'm not really one for the "I'm so fat" routine, but each time I am made aware of my self I am more and more disgusted.

Why is this? I realize that I am not extremely over weight, and I am relatively healthy (granted lately I've been eating whatever I could find rather than planning the ideal meal, and I'll admit I've not seen the gym since early August, very much to my dismay), but I cannot help but let out a groan (often audible) when I see myself.

I guess the only answer to this is to shut up about it. Stop it Cain! I know it's silly and I'm not sure why I'm writing this because sure it will result in numerous concerned phone calls or e-mails- this is not a cry for help. This is me expressing my frustration. I don't like hating my bodY! And even when I'm sitting there thinking how gross I feel, I also know that I don't REALLY care- cause my value is NOT in what I look like, but who I am- and that is based on something far less elusive than slim thighs and tight abs.

And yet- are those things unattainable? No- and I believe this is why I experience these times of self-loathing in a kind of female moderation- I know that I can "do better" with myself.

So I guess I'll go to the gym. Men... you just have NO idea. And for the women who have never owned this feeling... you might be a hermaphrodite.

3 comments:

Mel said...

Just for the record.

YOU ARE A HOTTIE.

Mel said...

P.S.

It's Raf's 16th b-day.

Give him a call and wish the hottie little brother a happy one!
(443) 350-3670

AND - you are my most beautiful and sexy friend!

Anonymous said...

You are so wrong - it's all about thin thighs and tight abs.

Really. It is.

And...there are prizes given out when your thighs are small enough to resemble upper arms - it's so cool!