Monday, April 26, 2004


Well New York did it again.. cue the Britnay song. That's right, say it how its spelled: Britnay. This weekend I went to the Met, the Cloisters (tres cool), Soho, Nolita, Brunch twice, one movie, church, and then dinner with friends! It was a weekend of fun, and I certainly, how do you say, "got around" (in that traveling/activity sense of the expression). Quite enjoyable.

I feel like I'm in love with New York. Or, I actually felt it. Just the other night-- Saturday it was. The day was beautiful, and I had just finished a meal on 18th and Irving Place... a quieter, more quaint part of the Union Square area-- we had eaten by candle light, the cool breeze a welcome freshness as we huddled around our table at Pete's and talked in the enfolding darkness. I walked away from the table after parting ways with my two friends and wandered down 18th towards third. My heart was full. I know it wasn't just the city, or the weather. It was the company-- the incredible fellowship.

I've been in a place lately... a place of uncertainty. Sometimes it feels like an actual location by which I'm surrounded, not just a feeling. Do I stay? Should I go? What does God want? What do I want? I've got these questions swimming restlessly in my head and I'm desperate to steel the control and take things into my own hands... but I know I dont' want that path. So I'm trying to wait, and in the mean time I've had some amazing comfort and encouragement. I'm still pacing, sometimes physically through my dorm room and sometimes just the little me in my head. There are times I feel SO lost... New York can be a scary place, but on a ridge overlooking life... THAT is a big, scary place to be. Especially when you can see what's infront of you, you can only feel the updraft coming from the valley below... or whatever it is that is in front of you. Its interesting. Its terrifying. Its worrisome. Its exciting... I even feel a little relieved.

I feel like I can't explain it... but I also know I dont' have to. It's awesome because this is something that is just between me and heaven... God has a plan for me... and he'll see me through... isn't that more than enough?

"In everything you do, put God first and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." Proverbs 3:6