Simple Elegance.
Elegantly Simple.
Mmmm.

A salut to my lovely friends.

To you who have been there since birth, most literally- I am so proud of you. You are exciting, intelligent, wonderful! I know my being proud of you may seem odd, but I am. I see it as a privelage to be reunited with you, and I apologize that we fell apart for those years... I'm so glad we're back. And I can't wait to see what happens next!

To my friend, who has bestowed on me an honor I am truly humbled by- you are beautiful. I know that your wedding will be amazing and that your life together will be wonderful. I am here through thick and thin and I mean that with all of my heart. You have put things back together- those things that fall apart in all of us- and you've done an amazing job. Congratulations on many levels, and don't forget to stay Nsync.

To my sea fairin' maiden- aloha! I miss you! I hope you are well and I can't wait to see you again! I think of you so often- I miss our crazy times together, our movies, our cereal at 1:00am and our "truant" habits. I am proud of you- you know that, but I won't stop reminding you. It is amazing what you've done- you are taking live in your hands and I can't wait to see where your next adventure takes you!

To my love- what to say! You are probably one of the only ones who will read this, and knowing that makes it harder to say something meaningful. I love you, I suppose there's a start. And I have faith in you- I know things have sandpapered at times in recent history and I can't imagine how hard that is, but I am proud of you for smoothing things out anyway, doing what is right for you, making decision that will benefit you. I can't wait to see what God has in store- great things, no doubt. You will make an eternal difference! And you've made a difference in my life, and I have learned so much about love with you!

To the girl I live with- I'm so glad it's you! I am relieve, and I know at times I get irritable, but I am happy you are my friend, roommate, everything! And I know our adventure will be unforgettable, I'm so glad you'll be there with me!

Well, I'm spent for now. More later. Sorry for the cliches, know they are genuine.

Almost exactly a month later, I return!

Quick update:
Thanksgiving was AWESOME! I saw the fam, the boy, the bed, the state- what more could I want?
Visa is nearly complete- one more form and I am official!
November is over.
December is here. Finals are here.
Status of large Italian presentation: completed successfully.
All other projects/finals: in the process or looming.

So there we have the update! Lovely! Things are good! Yes, yes they are. As the weather turns crisp and I await my first New York snow (my first snow of the season was enjoyed in Utah !), I am ever-expecting. What? Well, why shouldn't I be expectant? I am twenty years old, I am in college, I'm going to live in Italy, Christmas is nearing, I'm growing in my faith, I love my boyfriend, my friends are well (though some crazy, we knew this...), and... God is doing amazing things every day. I guess I'm waiting to see, expecting to be used.
I'm tired, so that is as far as I go, but I'll try to be better. Really.

Snot Rocket!

As I gleefully trotted home from Italian class today, this cold and windy day in New York, I passed a happy man sipping a latte. Then I passed a woman cuddling her dog trying to draw warmth from its' pint-sized body. Another man looking hurried slid in front of a slow-moving woman with her cartful of groceries. And then it happened. It really just happend, on the street there, as I walked. Humming to the melody jingling in my head I glanced at a middle-aged man walking the opposite direction...and...gasp...it is true...he blew a snot rocket!
That's right! Full force- plug the left nostril, puff the chest, release the air storm, project the snot rocket onto the sidewalk, wipe the nose, smile cause 'I can breath'! Ew. But hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing. And I had this uncontrollable (but let's be honest, I did control it) urge to run into Dean and Deluca and announce what I had seen! What a treasure, what a gem! It's not every day one sees a snot rocket so expertly ejected from a non-8th grade boy's shnoz!
Do you think this means 7 years of good luck?

http://www.nanowrimo.org

This is interesting. It is national novel writing month- this month we call November, Novembre, Novembre, Novembre (italian, spanish, then french accent, if you please). My dear sweet brother Ian (soon to be nobel prize winning author and platinum recording artist) is participating in the nanowrimo challenge. That is, that each participant write 50,000 in the month of November (demanding a minimum of 1,666 words each day of the month). It is a challenge to help writers get past their mental blocks, to have to write with a deadline and really spit it out. As explained to me, it isn't really an issue of "winning" or writing something fantastic that will win you your first Pulitzer, but rather, it is the challenge and the feat of completing the goal you set (that 2500 others have also set) that is your prize. I like it. If I were a writer, I'd do it.
Don't forget to vote!

So I'm 20!

My Birthday was the 20th, this past Wednesday! It was great to have the family in town; Ma and Da came in on Wednesday night and Gavin and Kelley arrived Friday evening. I'm a lucky girl- to have my family all around me on my birthday.
I feel... young. Not because of the 2 numbers that indicate how long I've been alive, but because I feel dependent. On so many things.
I got into the Study Abroad program for Spring semester in Italy. It will be awesome, won't it? living in Italy for 4 months. Great. Just GREAT!
But then this little twinge of doubt creeps in. Lets be honest... a lot of doubt. I don't know if I can do it! I want to, and I know that the first thing is to figure out whether this is what God would have me do. But then the next part is whether I want to. Of course I want to, yes, but... really? I don't know. I think people think I'm so strong for leaving Utah and coming to New York and "doing so well"... they must not know how I feel everyday, or they wouldn't be fooled into thinking I do well here. Grades aren't a measure of everything, I know that for sure.
I guess I feel like I don't have any idea what I want to do with my life. Wouldn't it be easier if God just wrote it out? Sure it would. And I get that that is not the point; I'm not supposed to just scoot along like some robot. But I would like to... does that count for anything?
I want to figure things out... and I know that I want to see the world and do things and learn everything-- soak things up. But I also know that that stuff doesn't really matter. Then of course I know that God wants me to find pleasure in this life, and He is happy when I am delighting in his creation! So where is the happy medium? I want to be in New York, I want to be in Italy, but I can't get the idea of being in OGDEN, UTAH out of my head! Am I crazy? Sure! But I love it there. I love my church, my friends- even the crazy ones! I love the air, the gym I go to, the cities, the space, the mountains, the sunsets, the dusk, the house I grew up in.......
I feel like some of my friends have taken the easy way out. And this is not to say that it is the WRONG way, because i am very happy for them-- yes all of them! But I feel like it is so easy to find someone and just marry them. There is no uncertainty. What will you do 20 years down the line-- well you'll be married, living with that person, probably have kids. And I'm not saying that I'm never getting married-- I'm sure i will, and in all honesty it may well be "sooner than I think." But I feel like there is a certain part of life that insists upon learning from uncertainty- from trying to hear God whispering- to live in a different country, to go to school, to keep learning, to fall in love more than once. I'm not saying that I expect to lose the relationship I have because I certainly DO NOT want that. I am also not saying that a life without a 3 month residency in Italy isn't valuable, or that finishing your college degree is something that gives a person worth. I believe worth is found in your identity and character. I think we all have a lot of say about what our character is, and I think we can find our identity in the right and wrong things. Marriage is not the wrong things for my friends, but I can tell you (me!) that for me, right now, it is the wrong decision for me. It is NOT the next step in my life.
I have a hard time knowing that my friends will be moving on to a part of life that is, to whatever extent, very far away from a place I'll be. That is ok-- but when I'm calling about graduating from college, they'll be calling about having their first child... and there's NOTHING wrong with that. It is just an odd reality to face in the midst of decision making, trying to discover my purpose more specifically in terms of "life" and what I'll "do." I am trying to concentrate on the "be"-- so if you're a prayer- pray that I'll be better than I DO anything. Ok, my 20 year old blabber is over, you can relax if you made it this far.

It is interesting, isn't it. That nameless it to which I refer... it is complex, right? The sound of your feet hitting the pavement when you walk alone, the sadness you feel when you see a trampled flower, how a blind man can put things into perspective so quickly.
So here we are. It has been almost a month since school has started-- can it really have been that long, and yet... how times passes so slowly sometimes! I've been enjoying school, and New York has grown on me- as usual. I miss home, I miss life in Utah, but I'd miss life in New York if I weren't here. I know that is true for NOW... what the future holds only God knows. You better believe I'm begging him to tell me. But really I feel content. I don't feel rushed and hurried and harried about things, I don't feel sad all the time, and I don't always miss home. It is scary to type that- does it mean that I am meant to be here for a while... a longer while than I had planned? And if I know that I am meant to be here for that lenghty while I didn't plan, does that make me miss home more- continuously? I'm not sure.
School is going well. My disaffection with math has not waned, but my love for languages grows by the day. Italian is wonderful, I like the people and the teacher- it makes me hunger to learn more and more... I want to be emersed and learn all at once!
I keep hearing how more and more people are getting married, getting engaged... these are my close friends. Some I am excited for, some I am baffled by... but mostly, I think, it has left me feeling a little ponderous and maybe even alone. I've got someone wonderful- Josh, you know, but I don't meant that kind of alone. Alone in this stage of life- maybe that's it.
My brother got married 2 weeks ago yesterday- it solidified the knowledge that I am truly not ready to be married. It also made me feel jealous... and miss him. Him Gavin, my brother. My big bro who taught me to play soccer and basketball, and tried his best to teach me how to throw a spiral football. It's an odd sensation, feels like maybe I lost a best friend to whom I haven't seen in a while. I'm so happy for him, but I worry that as we grow older we'll grow farther apart- all of us. If I have any control over that, it won't happen.
So what am I trying to say? I don't know. This is stuff I need to express I guess. I'd write it down but I can't write as fast as I think. Today is a day I have a chance to make a different... did I? Am I aware enough of the people around me, do I love them enough? I hope so... but I know taht I don't. I catch myself feeling annoyed about the slow people walking in front of me. I forget to hold open doors and I shy away from buying homless men coffee. I know these things don't make me a "bad person," and I certainly don't believe that deeds can redeem. But I do believe that what I do is probably an indication of who I am... I hope I'm doing who I am.
I've wandered all over the place, better stop myself for now!

HELLO!

I know that it has been a while! About 5 months, right?

I'm back and I just got back from the wedding of the year-- Gavin and Kelley Cain! Hooray! It was a great weekend of fun and fellowship with family and friends. I can't write much but I wanted to give a quick hi-dee-hoh and say that I'm back here in New York! I'll be missing my boyfriend and reliving the latin dance of the week!
I'll be back!
Claire

Hey all!

I survived finals, they went well as near as I can tell! I am still waiting on one more grade-- let's hope there are no surprises! I've had a great two weeks home just visiting with people and celebrating friendships (cheddar?), hooray for home!

Now, well, tomorrow, aout 15 hours from now, I'll be on a plane to Miami! Then Saturday I'll head to Brasilia! I'm headed down to the old L-A (that's Latin America) to see that things aren't getting too crazy for Luca-- I think he's fine though. Let's all pray this experience will help with some clarity... in terms of life goals etc... not too much too ask?

AnywaySSSS.. I'm off (yes, I know there is no S there silly) to pack! E-mail me at Thilfan@aol.com-- I should be able to get e-mails! I'll miss you (That's right, YOU JD)!

NOTE: EMILY I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE YOU!

Fine.

Sunny day is here... hopefully tomorrow it will be too-- so the forecast says so.

I am excited for school to be over... tomorrow is wednesday, my long day is behind me. Good.

GREAT WEEKEND!

Well New York did it again.. cue the Britnay song. That's right, say it how its spelled: Britnay. This weekend I went to the Met, the Cloisters (tres cool), Soho, Nolita, Brunch twice, one movie, church, and then dinner with friends! It was a weekend of fun, and I certainly, how do you say, "got around" (in that traveling/activity sense of the expression). Quite enjoyable.

I feel like I'm in love with New York. Or, I actually felt it. Just the other night-- Saturday it was. The day was beautiful, and I had just finished a meal on 18th and Irving Place... a quieter, more quaint part of the Union Square area-- we had eaten by candle light, the cool breeze a welcome freshness as we huddled around our table at Pete's and talked in the enfolding darkness. I walked away from the table after parting ways with my two friends and wandered down 18th towards third. My heart was full. I know it wasn't just the city, or the weather. It was the company-- the incredible fellowship.

I've been in a place lately... a place of uncertainty. Sometimes it feels like an actual location by which I'm surrounded, not just a feeling. Do I stay? Should I go? What does God want? What do I want? I've got these questions swimming restlessly in my head and I'm desperate to steel the control and take things into my own hands... but I know I dont' want that path. So I'm trying to wait, and in the mean time I've had some amazing comfort and encouragement. I'm still pacing, sometimes physically through my dorm room and sometimes just the little me in my head. There are times I feel SO lost... New York can be a scary place, but on a ridge overlooking life... THAT is a big, scary place to be. Especially when you can see what's infront of you, you can only feel the updraft coming from the valley below... or whatever it is that is in front of you. Its interesting. Its terrifying. Its worrisome. Its exciting... I even feel a little relieved.

I feel like I can't explain it... but I also know I dont' have to. It's awesome because this is something that is just between me and heaven... God has a plan for me... and he'll see me through... isn't that more than enough?

"In everything you do, put God first and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." Proverbs 3:6

Hello!

Long time no write, right? (cue drums).

So yeah, it's been a GREAT weekend in New York- 60s and 70s and sunny- what a change from the horrible cold and rain we've had. There's more rain in the forecast.. but it's not gettin cold again until NEXT YEAR when I'm back as a sophomore!

I have 3 weeks left-- well less than that... 2 weeks of class, and then finals... and Ma and Kim are coming two weeks from today! I have SPRING FEVER so bad... I can't wait to get home and just be home! YES!

The adjunct (part time) profs are supposed to be striking starting on Wednesday because the University will not meet their demands for a 400% raise (resulting in a 27% tuition increase.. yeah, WHATEVER!!~ I'll be striking if THAT happens!)... so we'll see how that goes!

Last Thursday I went to the Passion experience tour which featured the David Crowder Band, Charlie Hall Band, Chris Tomlin Band, and Lou Giglio as the speaker. 3,000 people filled the Beacon theatre on 74th and Broadway... SO AMAZING! That was so encouraging! Don't' miss the 4 day conference in January 2005-- 17,000 Christian College students convening in one place to Study and WORSHIP God---- WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT? So yeah--- 268generation.com has all the info-- BE THERE!

I'll be back!

Shootings on 13th Street.

It's been a nice day. An odd one, but good. I talked to my G-ril... yeah Mel, that's you! I hope you get some occupational things figured out... you're quite a catch, I'm excited to see you gets you!
The weather has been nice today- I wore a thin long-sleeved t-shirt to class today, and a jacket, but ended up taking off the jacket- SO nice! It's supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow... Big bummer... But I feel like we have to endure the weather of spring in order to really enjoy the sunshine.. better than cold.
Shootings..... You wonder why that's my title, right? Well, it's fairly self-explanatory. Yesterday Staci and I were talking back from Cosi after picking up some lunch and we noticed that there is RED caution tape blocking off a section of sidewalk that passes in front of the apartment building next to our dorm. There were 3 cop cars, about 6 cops, and heads peeping out windows from the rooms in the building with worried expressions. It was only this morning that we discovered that there was a shooting and one man has been critically injured and is in the hospital! AH! That's MY street- the one I walk on To and Fro school EVERY day! Welcome to New York.
Things here are good though, and I'm not living in fear or anything... I'm living in anticipation for the Disney Trip of 2004 coming to a car near me in just a week and a half! WAhoo!

I love New York- yep.

The Way You Make Me Feel

First, thanks to the boyfriend for a great Valentine's weekend. Good times, and laughter, too. We danced... yes Leanne Womack, we did dance. We danced the Tango and the Rhumboogie with 70 year olds. Top that, I dare ya!

Things here are going well. Today it snowed and so that always makes things a littler dreary. The stress of the papers and the test tomorrow has piled up, but God slipped me a little present last night in my e-mail inbox: both my morning classes were cancelled because both of my profs had the flu! What are the odds? I didn't have even one class cancelled last semester, and now I've had 2-- on the same day! It was great because it was my long day, so I got to sleep an extra hour, workout before class and get all cleaned up, and then get to my lab, which let out early! It was really a good day, despite the snow. Tomorrow's lookin sunny.

I've got the big test in my science course tomorrow- first test of the semester so that's always nerve-wracking, but I've studied, and I'll study a little more before bed, and review in the morning... and then just see what I can do on that mother! I feel like I'm walking in there blindfolded- that always happends with the first test of the class... so we'll see!

I'm finally feeling better, although this morning was a little shaky. It was great, good to have a weekend where I was just wiped out and HAD to sleep... but it wasn't so great to be sick. It's good to hear out of both ears and breath out of both nostrils. So yes, thank you Lord that that's all done with! Now if Josh can just get well! It's goin' around I guess!

I'm off to Italy next Spring.. study abroad for the semester.. so that will be fun. It's not official, but the application is being handed in soon.

This was a very sticky entry, sorry. I'll try and be more creative and exciting next time!

Praise the Lord!

Well! Congrats, if that is the appropriate thing to say, to my love! Your life has truly just begun~

I was looking around today in my city, New York... and I love it here. I truly love it. How will I leave it for 3 whole months this summer? I don't know how I'll stay away- I don't think I will! :) The missions trips this summer might be an excuse for a little visit!

I love it here, I absolutely do. I was walking on Broadway uptown.. I love it up there. It's serene and wonderful, and just... I love it! I LOVE NEW YORK.

Welcome to February!

Happy Black History Month! Yeah!

Well, Brett has come and gone.. we had some real good times. Friday we walked from Wallstreet to Fourteenth street, and folks... that is a REAL long way. But it didn't seem like a long way, so that was good. We went to Ground Zero- that was weird. I mean, good, healing weird, but definitely weird. It was the first time I had been there since they fell, the last time I was there I was sitting at the top of the building at Windows on the World for my sixteenth birthday. wow. Saturday was the Knick's game, and I had SO much fun! We were second to last row and it was just a blast. We saw Fat Joe, that washed up rapper guy who sings who knows what, or maybe he is popular now, I'm not hip with the times. Anyway, things are good, Brett's visit was great. Let it RAIN!

School is going well. New York has finally decided to smile down on us and give us some shun shine! It was forty, and let me tell you how it felt like I was in Mexico in the middle of summer- forty seems balmy compared to the teens we've been braving. Good times. GOod times.

This is radom, but if any of you who are reading this (duh) have any Youth Pastor e-mail addresses let me know. E-mail me. My church (nyJourney) is starting a group called "Epic Adventures" which will be a Center for Student Missions-type missions organization for New York City, Charlotte and D.C. We are trying to contact people across the country and get the awareness out there-- let me know if you can help!

Good night all! Tomorrow I will break the less-than-7-hours sleep time trend! YAY!

Visitation Rights.

Today is a good day. It's freezing, it was my long day at school, I have lots of homework, I got no sleep last night (as per usual of late), but today is indeed a good day.

Yesterday Brett Turner made plans to come to New York City! He will be staying with me from Friday morning until Monday afternoon, and I am so excited. Besides my parents and Joshua this will be the first visit I have had all year! And how did this happen? It was spur of the moment, and it will be great! But Brett and I aren't that close? Oh contraire my friends. We are plenty close, he's like a brother, if you will. There are lots of good times behind us, and lots ahead!

He's a good guy too, so none of you that don't know him worry. He asked if Josh would be "cool" with it, and Josh, being the wonderful and trusting without reason or need to doubt boyfriend is, of course, cool with it. See, love isn't always jealous!

So yes, this weekend will be great. But for now, I really need to get going on the homework so I can work ahead for this weekend! Madison Square Gardens here I come!!!!

PS> All the rest of you have visitation rights, just in case pigs fly and I get another visitor this year! ;)

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.

That's right, it's Sunday. I'm so excited for church! I have missed my church family here, and I'll say it again even though it's cheesy! I missed them! But don't get me wrong, I'm very excited that I got to spend so much time at WHBC and see so many good friends and be encouraged by some things going on there. I hope that the vote goes well tonight (Drumroll please), I can't wait to see what things P-G will turn upsidedown!

Now on to the reality that stares me in the face for the next four days (we take it week by week over here). I really like my classes. I've had a more than healthy does of the Big Bang Theory in my History of the Universe class, but we all knew that one would come up. The Professor is really great though, and isn't force feeding us anything, he's a "I'll tell you what is out there, you decide"kind of guy, which I like. Run-on sentence much? I like my other classes too, although I think I will really have a better feel of how things will go after this week. Homework is already freely flowing from the syllabi, so at least that feels normal. hehe.

Also: it's cold here. Not that, oh a little nip in the air cold, it FREEZING. Just yesterday Ian and I were walking back from lunch when we found ourselves wrapped up in the coldest ocean of winter air I've ever met. That was a cruel one. Layering people, it's all about the layering. Wow. But then again, I heard it was minus six in good ol' Logan (yeuh, yeuh) so what can I complain about? Well, maybe the wind and the humidity that provides the cold with a knife to cut me to the bone with it's chilly self. Eh, maybe not.

So there you are for now. I realize this wasn't the most coherent of entries, and not very exciting either, but hey, I tried, right? Anyway, like Brett said, "Have a Wonderful day of Worship!"

Oh, and PS> If you are one of the people who said they would call but didn't--- do.

Back to the grind.

Well, I survived the flight, and I survived the cab ride home, and I'm back here. School starts tomorrow, and I can't believe my 5 week winter break has come and gone. Like a flash in the night, you might say.
I'll write more soon, but thank you to those who I got a chance to catch up with, keep reading, keep e-mailing. And to all a good night!

PS> Happy Martin Luther King Day!!!